This week marked the end of classes for my second year as a full time instructor. Of course with COVID-19 and remote teaching, this year is not how I envisioned it ending at all. As much as spring semester feels like chaos every year (graduating seniors…that’s all I’ll say), I still love graduation. Meeting the parents and telling them how amazing their sons and daughters are and how much I enjoyed having them in my class. Saying goodbye, hugs, closing out the year with my colleagues. It just won’t be the same. As much as I’m going to miss graduation, I’d rather sacrifice that in order for everyone to be healthy and for the infection rates to go down. I can give up a lot if it means we can all stay healthy.
This week’s latest news is that seemingly healthy adults in their 30’s and 40’s are having mini strokes as their symptoms of COVID-19. To say that has shaken my 41 year old self to the core is an understatement. I’m already terrified going to the grocery store and now any headache I have will make me even more anxious that I might be sick. I’ve stayed home since March 13, only going to the grocery store once a week (if that) and trying to do my part in flattening the curve. I know my university is taking a hit financially and who knows how that will impact me (furlough days, a reduction of my tuition remission or worse) but I’d still rather take losses financially than to actually lose my life or possibly get others sick. Watching protestors on TV in different cities demanding the government stop these shut down orders is astounding. Watching them protest without masks on and so close to each other…that’s just madness.
I’m writing this just because I want to remember what I’m feeling right now. It’s a mix of exhaustion, confusion and despair with just a hint of hope. Today was hard, I cried and have felt like crap all day. And just when I felt like I was done, I saw Kermit the Frog singing the Rainbow Connection on Instagram and somehow I felt a little bit better. Here’s hoping tomorrow is brighter and better.